If it’s good that I don’t miss you. If I’m going to be alright without you in my everyday life. I miss our friendship, before I messed it up. I miss having those hour long talks. I was telling the truth about not loving you. I don’t love you. I just have you in my life as a friend. I don’t want you to love me either. Don’t love me. As a friend or more than a friend. If it was as easy to stop having feelings for me, it should be as easy to stop loving me as a friend. I want to give up. I don’t want your starfruit. That is for people whose densities are intertwined for eternity. I want to erase what I did. But I realize that everything I’ve got now, you’re apart of it somehow. The songs I’ve got in my phone, the anime I watch now, the gosick and hanasaku iroha chapters, the texts in my inbox from your old phone, tumblr, facebook, my life. Things I see everyday bring me back to the days where I called you a gaybear and you said,”Mayne, that’s all you, not me.” I cannot get that back. Atleast it feels like that. I’ll leave you alone and do everything I can to make myself happy. I want to make you proud of me. Mama and Daddy, too. Myself too, of course. I just want to make you see the beautiful flower I blossom into. I’m still Ohana. You’re still Koichi.

I’m trying to not cry. You always said I was a crybaby. I’ll fest it up. I’ll try to make you proud of me. Even if we don’t talk. I’ll find a way to make you proud of me. You’re a part of my life. ..I don’t even know what I’m saying :/ Ah. Nevermind.